Aug. 13th, 2014

Ya know it's been a bit over a year since my sister passed away from the cancer.  Next month it will be a year since my mother died from the Alzheimers and other complications. And yesterday when Robin Williams suicide was announced I cried just as hard for him as I did for C and Mom. I didn't personally know him, but I loved his comedy and I loved several of his movies, less said about 'Popeye' the better. He was a part of my word from his early TV work, to videos of his comedy specials, to seeing 'Good Morning Vietnam' in a theater on a military instalation in Germany back when it first came out. The laughs came constant throughout the movie and yeah I've no doubt there were Vietnam vets in that theater laughing with those of us who had not been there. I found myself wondering why his suicide is affecting me. As I said he wasn't a personal friend. I never raved about his acting per se, I'd comment that this or that movie he was in was good and boy he got robbed at Oscar time when he either did not win, or did not get nominated. He won one, for 'Good Will Hunting'. It was nice they finally saw what others had seen for years: he could act, and do it well. I think it may well be affecting me here because I know depression, know it too well.  I've been in therapy, been on antidepressants, and still depression dogs me at times. I know depression. I know how it feels to want to die, I planned my suicide once, the one thing I could not figure out, was who would take care of my two cats at the time, so I didn't go through with it. I couldn't abandon my kittehs who've since gone over the rainbow bridge to kitteh heaven. So, I get how he felt. I wish he hadn't done it, but I get it. My sympathies to his family and friends who lost way more than the rest of us when he exited stage left.

Another who has passed is Lauren Bacall. A very classy lady who I only knew through her autobiography. She died yesterday at age 89. I don't feel sad over her departure into the next great adventure. She had a good long life. Nothing lost with her.

As I said in my first para, my sister passed away a little over a year ago at the age of 55(just shy of her 56th birthday). Pancreatic cancer got her in the end, though she made it farther and longer than her prognosis. We fought like cats and dogs sometimes, but someone pick on her, or do the same to me, and it was ON. We'd stand together against any comers. I miss her. I miss Mom who really has been gone mentally much longer than the physical. She had a seizure(stroke?) in 2012 and after that she was bedbound. Before that though she lived in her memories. My mother always, always, always had a book or two going that she was reading, in the last years she couldn't remember from one day to the next what she'd read. A dreadful thing for someone who respected the written word so much. I miss what she was, I miss her and I have for a good while now. Mom was 81 when she moved on, and I tell myself she's with Da, and C, and 9 of her 12 sibs(she came from a family of 13 kids, 3 are still living) and the party must be loud with the Irish music and dancing. It's been a rough year living with the loss of them.

And Robin's death just hit me. C and I saw him at the Boardinghouse in San Francisco back in 1977 before Mork and Mindy. We laughed so hard we had tears coming down our faces. The man was astounding in a live show, and he only got better. His movie career was a revelation in that the dramatic roles were better to me than the comedy. Oh comedy paid his bills, no doubt about that but 'Awakenings'? That was acting. And good acting at that. He will be missed.

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rhiannonmr

August 2014

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